just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My breasts were aching with rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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