i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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