That's intense
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
