so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
