whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
