just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this beer tastes like vomit already
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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