Please, let me fuck your mom
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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