i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
