Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
