marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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