i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Someone came in the potted fern
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
