There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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