when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
