Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
