I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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