one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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