cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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