she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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