Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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