At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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