You took a bar mat shot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
