his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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