i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
