she smelled like a LAN party
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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