idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
