: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
