Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
