He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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