Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
