Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
