Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
