I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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