I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
is it fun? or sober?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
