btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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