Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
