i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
