you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
