the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
