how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
