Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
