I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Randomize
