Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
