I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
