What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
