Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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