So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
