Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
