saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
