my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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