i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
