It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
