Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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