dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
