so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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