Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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