you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
