How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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