i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
