I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
