i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
