K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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