Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
