i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
