I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
