we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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