I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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