ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
